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The Lawyer The Boss A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: always let your boss have the first say. What Religion Is Your Bra? A man walked into the lingerie section of a department store, shyly approached the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" Asked the sales assistant. "Type?" Inquired the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied, "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?" Now befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The saleslady responded, "It’s really quite simple: The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." Old Wedding Jacob, aged 85 and Rebecca, aged 79 were all excited about their decision to get married. They went for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they passed a pharmacy. Jacob suggested that they go in. He addressed the man behind the counter. Jacob: Are you the owner? Pharmacist: Yes Jacob: Do you sell heart medication? Pharmacist: Of course we do. Jacob: How about medicine for circulation? Pharmacist: All kinds. Jacob: Medicine for rheumatism? Pharmacist: Definitely. Jacob: Medicine for memory? Pharmacist: Yes, a large variety. Jacob: What about vitamins and sleeping pills? Pharmacist: Absolutely. Jacob: How about Viagara? Pharmacist: Naturally. Jacob: Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts please. Who Wears the Pants?? A young couple was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right and don't forget it," said the husband. "I'm the man in this family." With that, she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants." She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your damn attitude changes!" |
