|
How do you prepare for one of the most important speeches that you will ever have to give in your life?
BY RHONDA WHITTON
Writing and delivering
a eulogy combines
two of the worst fears
people have – losing a
loved one and public
speaking. The thought of writing and
delivering a eulogy sends most of us
into a panic. What to say? Should you
read from a script or ad lib? Will you
be able to control your emotions on
the day? However, take heart because
there are ways to make the experience
both memorable for the bereaved and
less traumatic for you.
Before you begin
You were probably asked to deliver
the eulogy because others believe you
will do a good job and knew the person
well. That’s a good start and it’s
certainly an honour to be asked. Your
job is to present a fitting tribute to the
bereaved by bringing the person to
life for a short time during the service.
However, resist the temptation to sit
down and write the eulogy without
first doing some homework and planning
what you will say.
Remember, you are not alone. Speak
with others and find out anecdotes
and interesting facts to bring life to
your eulogy and give the bereaved an
insight into the ‘real’ person they are mourning. The audience will be saddened
by their loss, so try to include
some humour. However, keep the
humour subtle, tasteful and befitting
the deceased’s personality.
Writing
Always acknowledge the positive
aspects of the deceased person and
pay respect to them in an open, honest
and caring manner.
Avoid beginning your
eulogy along these lines:
“Jim was born at Newtown Base
Hospital in 1921 and was one of five
children to Betty and Bert. He went
to Newtown Kindergarten, Newtown
Primary School and Newtown High
School, before enlisting in the RAAF
in 1939.” Presenting information in
this staid, chronological style can be
dull and of little interest the majority
of those present who only knew Jim in
his adult life. It is more engaging for
the bereaved if you focus on the highlights
of the person’s life at the beginning
of your eulogy, then sprinkle the
other facts throughout your speech.
For example, you could begin with:
“Most of us knew Jim as Newtown’s
longest serving mayor.
“However, to those who knew him
well, those 18 years of outstanding
civic service fade into insignificance
when we recall his devotion to his
family and his untiring charity work
for the needy in our community.”
Include simple, personal thoughts
from the heart, such as “I’ll miss his
cheeky smile”, or “I always admired
Jim’s compassion”.
Focus on a Theme
Do not think that your eulogy has to
summarise the person’s entire life.
Instead, try adopting a theme to give
purpose to the eulogy. This will also
provide a focus for the audience to
remember the deceased.
If you are one of a number of people
speaking at the funeral service, consider
suggesting that each speaker adopt
a theme, as this avoids the potential
for repetition and factual inconsistencies.
Examples of themes include: Jim
the family man, Jim the community
leader, Jim the all-round sportsman
and Jim the businessman.
Organise Your Notes
First, sort the information and anecdotes
you gather into logical groupings,
then write the main points on
cards or small sheets of paper to
reflect those groups. Now, reorganise
the cards to come up with the most
engaging order for your audience.
This approach also allows you to
leave out information at a moment’s
notice on the day should another
speaker cover the same point or anecdote.
It will help you in your presentation
if you print your notes in a large
font and with double spacing.
Delivering the Eulogy
Eulogies are among the most difficult
speeches to make, so try to maintain
eye contact and speak to the bereaved
as though you were talking to a friend.
Don’t worry or be embarrassed if you
need to pause to compose yourself
– people will understand. Take your
time. Speak slowly and remember to
breathe deeply if you begin to lose
your composure.
Keep your eulogy short and to the
point. Ascertain the appropriate length
by speaking with the funeral director
or clergy. Eulogies are usually lengths
between five and ten minutes long. So
it is very important to write and then
rehearse your eulogy to ensure you
don’t speak for too long.
Tips
• Develop a theme
• Avoid a chronological
account of their life
• Research and plan
what you will say
• Refer to key points, rather
than reading a script
• Practice delivering the eulogy
• Speak slowly and carefully
• Don’t be afraid to show emotion
Rhonda Whitton is a journalist,
teacher and corporate trainer 
|
