Celebrating Death

By Sylvia Johnson

"Over future decades, perhaps centuries, shrouds and sashes may also become family heirlooms."

Seven years ago, I presided over the funeral of an old and dear family friend. As we left the chapel, my sister in law whispered, “When my time’s up, I don’t want to go out in a plain brown box. I’ll have a
purple one with a big bright pink polka dot bow”. Mum just looked thoughtful but the next day she quietly said to me that she would like deep red roses covering her coffin. Over a cup of tea, we laughed together at the thought of it all.

That same evening it dawned upon me. Why not create beautiful boxes, in place of the plain or composite timber coffins that today are offered as our only choice? Wouldn’t individualised boxes be more relevant to accompany our dear departed on their last journey?

About the same time, I started noticing that the floral arrangements atop coffins were becoming more of a reflection of the personality of the departed. I noted one with a rainbow of huge joyous gerberas, another arrangement, every shade of pink, draped over the edges of the coffin almost to the floor (very clever wiring by the florist) and one for a male was like a forest of green foliage – rich, earthy, exotic and expensive too!

People today, particularly baby boomers and women, are clearly seeking new and different ways to celebrate the lives of their loved ones. But whilst we hear much talk about ‘Celebrating a Life’, invariably it is just talk, with few attempts to infuse the parting ceremony with the essence of the person that has passed. It is an inherent part of the grieving process to leave a funeral service heavyhearted. But we leave empty handed too, with nothing more than loving memories to cling to.

As a Funeral Celebrant, I’ve always encouraged people to plan a celebration for a funeral, and have spent some truly enriching times with the bereaved helping to put their ideas and thoughts in order and responding to many diverse notions such as:
“I want my dear girl’s life celebrated to reflect her, her personality, her lifestyle, her interests, her loves”.
”I want to go out on a high, to music, to song, to laughter, to wonderful happy memories”.
“He may not have wished to go to a funeral home. He would want the celebration ‘at home’, surrounded by family and loved ones. Or in the park where he used to walk the dog, on his favourite piece of beach where he surfed, fished, or collected shells. At the 9th hole at Kingston Heath, or at the Bingo Hall”.

A meaningful funeral arouses every deep emotion within us, as we commit to memory our relationship with that person. Such emotions need not be morbid or lifeless. Instead, they should be a shared experience that is forever treasured.

And the casket that carries our beloved? Why decorate them with just flowers or artwork to be either buried or burnt, leaving us no tangible memento and nothing to cherish from the day of our loss?
Why can’t we drape the coffin with beautiful fabric, not to be lost forever through burial or cremation but to take home, a tangible garment to hold and touch, a piece of finery to keep always as a throw or hung upon the wall. This fabric could thus become a personal shroud. A family heirloom, a shroud of love.

Hundreds, even thousands of years ago in Europe, woven or embroidered pieces of textile were spread over the coffin as burial cloths. They were used when the body was ‘sung out’ from the home and during the funeral ceremony. They were removed before the coffin was placed in the grave. The ancient Norwegians used palls or sashes of woven material, some inscribed with verses of hymns and motives of pelicans – an ancient symbol of the Christ.

Within the Roman Catholic Church, palls are sometimes spread over the coffin. Similarly, richly embroidered palls were used at the funeral of Henry VII and Queen Mary. At the more recent funerals of the Queen Mother and Princess Diana we saw their coffins draped with their personal Royal Standards, perhaps with the reasoning that a bare coffin does not dignify the dead.

In February of this year, my husband and I launched Funeral Finery, a world first in offering a range of shrouds and sashes of shimmering beauty. Made from exquisite fabrics and beautifully decorated they are designed to reflect ones personality or specific interest. The shrouds fully cover the coffin or casket in a soft, warm drape. The sashes form a runner along the top, from head to toe.

The range of Direct Shrouds may be ordered through our website www.funeralfinery.com. The sashes may be ordered directly from the Funeral Director. The website carries pictures of each of the thirteen sashes and thirteen shrouds available. Alternatively, the Funeral Finery Designers Guild will work with you to produce a truly unique garment from a vast global range of fabrics and designs.
At the end of a funeral, the shroud or sash is ceremoniously taken from the coffin, folded and presented to the next of kin, to have and to hold “in loving memory of…”.

Over future decades, perhaps centuries, shrouds and sashes may also become family heirlooms, the names of each of the family members embroidered upon the garment for the enrichment of future generations.
By such means, Funeral Finery will endeavour to incorporate individuality and lasting beauty in a keepsake of our beloved’s final journey.