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The Importance of Memorials This question means different things to different people. When a death occurs, one of the challenging questions that families have to face up to is whether or not to let children attend the funeral service. We would all remember the refreshingly simple but difficult question asked by a child; “Where has grandma gone?” For many years psychologists have encouraged us to allow children to attend funerals. Children grieve in their own way. They ask lots of questions. They seek answers. When they are satisfied, they move on. Like children, adults also ask questions about their families and what has happened. As we approach retirement we start to get things in order. Many people consider their past and complete a family tree. The search for the family tree takes many forms. Trips to the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages are common. The community is also now recognising that their cemeteries and crematoria offer a very significant database. Memorials at cemeteries and crematoria provide an everlasting record of the life that was lived, provided you ensure they exist in perpetuity. James McKay, President of the Australasian Cemeteries & Crematoria Association said that: “One thing we are noticing is the frustration that the next generation feels when ashes have been taken away from the crematorium and scattered or interred elsewhere with no records being kept.” After a cremation has occurred, the family has a variety of options. They can establish a memorial, have the ashes scattered within the grounds or interred within a grave. This ensures that a formal record is kept within the cemetery database as to the location of the cremated remains. These records are important. They provide a permanent link with the past; they provide the next generation with details of their family history; and they provide security. “As you may imagine, we often see people who are very upset at funerals. This is understandable. It cannot be avoided. What makes us really sad is when years after that funeral, somebody attends the cemetery and is upset because, through no fault of theirs, or ours, they cannot find grandpa. “Recently, we were approached by a middle aged gentleman who was tracing his family history. He and his sister had been adopted out at birth. In recent years, he had ascertained that both his natural mother and father had died. They had lived apart for many years. Whilst he had been able to find his mother’s grave he came to us with the knowledge that his father had been cremated. “We were only too happy to help him,” said James. “Unfortunately our records showed that his dad’s remains had been released to his auntie after the service. Naturally, the cemetery had no record of what his aunt had done. The son was horrified. His aunt had been dead for 15 years. He was distraught. No one knew what had happened to his dad’s remains after auntie took them. He wanted somewhere to mark as his father’s final resting place. He wanted closure on his search for a natural family.” Fortunately the cemetery concerned was able to help him. A plaque was cast showing his family details and placed upon a rock within the memorial gardens. A physical memorial is very comforting. It helps most people to see the names of their loved ones permanently in stone or bronze and know that they will not be forgotten. While scattering of ashes outside of cemeteries may seem attractive at the time, it often creates problems in the future. Where ashes have been scattered, families have the opportunity to leave a permanent record at the cemetery. A memorial plaque, an entry in the Book of Remembrance, an additional inscription on a family headstone are but some of the alternatives. CONTACTS The Australasian Cemeteries and Crematoria Association makes available free of charge to the public, their brochure “The Importance of a Memorial”. To obtain your copy, please call (03) 9381 4166 or email acca@ozemail.com.au
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