Funny Page

A man took his wife to the rodeo. One of the exhibits was of breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, “This bull mated 50 times last year.”

The wife poked her husband and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, “This bull mated 120 times last year.”

The wife hit her husband and said, “That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, “This bull mated 365 times last year.”

The wife got really excited and said, “That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.”

The husband looked at her and said, “Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow.”

The husband’s condition has been reduced from critical to stable and he should make a full recovery.

An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.

Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Nag, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet and caught the farmer's wife smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a female mourner approached the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement but when a male mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: “Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.”

“And what about the men?” the minister asked.

“They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady who was a virgin and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk – it was a tiny village after all), to make the proper final arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin.”

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully in her sleep. A few days after the funeral the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the old lady had requested. However, it soon became apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought very long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonised over the dilemma but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution the problem.

The virgin’s tombstone was finally competed and duly engraved. It read as follows:

“Returned Unopened.”