Don't throw me away
One of the unfortunate trends in today's society is the increasingly diminished role of the nuclear family. With grandchildren working around Australia and even in other countries it's becoming more and more difficult for families to be together. Whilst traditional gatherings such as baptisms, birthdays, weddings and funerals seem to provide a family focal point, it is getting more and more difficult for everyone to attend.
In our ever-changing world increasingly the one constant is the role of the cemetery and crematorium as a perpetual reminder of those that went before us. Memorials are stepping-stones to the past, and to the future – they link generations. The word ‘memorial' derives from the Latin ‘memor' which means mindful and we are certainly mindful of those we love and when they die memories remain with us in so many ways.
There may be a person in your family or a friend who tells you that once they die they wish to be cremated and then scattered to the winds, or over a favourite place like a beach or a mountaintop or even a football ground. Often this represents their desire that those left behind should carry on with their lives and not grieve too long. Yes it is important to keep faith with the wishes of those you loved. It is also important to consider those around you, the children and grandchildren who may not even be born yet! Some clear thinking families have the best of both worlds by scattering as well as creating a permanent record or memorial at their local cemetery. Memorials can easily be created, with or without the cremated remains.
The memorial itself serves a dual role. It records the live that was lived (for current and future generations) and provides a focal point for remembering and going on. Australian research has shown that when the cremated remains of a loved friend or family member are scattered, and not memorialised, there is a high probability that the decision will be regretted later. The process of finalising a memorial can be an important step in the grieving process. It is one of life's most important decisions and it can most certainly not be reversed on reflection.
Alternately, providing a memorial for cremated remains in a cemetery or memorial garden provides a touchable focal point for family, friends and others to visit. A memorial, whether modest or extravagant, contributes positively to the grieving process, providing a sense of place and leaving a record of a life lived, for the immediate family and friends and for future generations.
Cemeteries and memorial gardens are unique, secure and peaceful places that provide the opportunity to set your memories in stone or bronze for future generations, assisting with the grieving process in the immediate period of loss, and helping to preserve our heritage in the long term. Throughout Australia cemeteries provide a range of memorial choices to cater for personal preferences. Recognising that scattering is an option for some families, cemeteries usually provide some specific areas where that scattering can occur, with full records kept for future generations.
Historians, genealogists and interested family members have gained a wealth of information about Australia's heritage, our community and the individuals who lived before us from historic cemeteries. It would seem to be an important and respectful practice to continue in Australian society.
Before you cite your wishes to be cremated and scattered, or discuss the wishes of another family member, please stop to consider the consequences of your actions for those left behind, and the generations to come.
There are many options for memorialising cremated remains, ask your local cemetery or memorial gardens to talk to you about them, or contact the Australasian Cemeteries and Crematoria Association (ACCA), for advice on your closest ACCA member cemetery, crematoria or memorial gardens.
Contacts
ACCAPhone: (03) 9381 4166
Fax: (03) 9381 4677
Email: acca@ozemail.com.au
www.accaweb.com.au