The Best Donkey in Town
A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again. A local paper covered the donkey race, and the headlines in the paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT The pastor's supervisor, the Bishop, was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper's headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it
to a nun in a nearby convent. The local
paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following eadline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the
nun that she would have to get rid of
the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer
for $10. The next day the paper
read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so
he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where
it could run wild. The next day the
headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES
HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of this story is...
Being concerned about public
opinion can bring you much grief
and misery...and can even shorten
your life. So be yourself and
enjoy life... Stop worrying about
everyone else's ass and you'll be
a lot happier and live longer!
Letter From His Son
A father passing by his son's
bedroom was astonished to see
the bed was nicely made, and
everything was picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the
pillow. It was addressed, "Dad."
With the worst premonition, he
opened the envelope and read the
letter, with trembling hands."Dear, Dad. It is with great regret
and sorrow that I'm writing you. I
had to elope with my new girlfriend,
because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mum and you. I've been
finding real passion with Stacy,
and she is so nice, but I knew you
would not approve of her, because
of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight
Motorcycle clothes, and because
she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
She's pregnant. Stacy said that we
will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, John. P.S.
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Proud of your Son
There were four very church going ladies, who were discussing over a coffee how important their children were. The first one tells her friends: "My son is a priest and when he walks into a room, everyone calls him father." The second woman chirps: "Well, my son is a bishop and whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Grace'.
The third lady woman says
smugly: "Well, not to put you
down, but my son is a cardinal, and
whenever he walks into a room
people say, 'Your Eminence'.
The fourth woman sips her coffee
in silence. The other three look
at her expectantly, and finally
one of them just says: "Well?"
She replies: "My son is a gorgeous,
189cm, firm bodied, six pack
equipped, well-hung male stripper.And whenever he walks into a
room, women say. "My God.”
Sign of the Times....
A bear, a lion and a chicken meet... Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear." Lion says:"If I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me." Chicken says: Big deal, I only have to cough and the entire planet Shits itself."
